Future

    Now that my first year in collage is almost over, me and my sister have been talking a lot about my future.  Right now my carrier choice is a psychiatrist and especially for the young people. I think that teens my age and younger have bad psychical health. I think the psychiatrists these days, especially in schools don't understand teens or what they need. They just sit face-to-face with each other in a white, distressing room and the school psychiatrist just tries to make the kid talk. They should make them feel safe, understood and comfortable . That's why i think that the psychiatrists should be younger so that they could /might really relate to what the teens are going through with there lives because even if it feel like a little issue to an adult, it can feel very pressuring for the teen.  Very little things can feel major to us young people.

 So there's a little inside of my future and my '' right now '' carrier choice. I'm really nervous. It's the last week of school and i start my work next Monday. Outdoor working from 6am to 4pm except for Fridays i get of at 2pm. This shit for six weeks... I know i should be grateful for even getting a summer job but i'd just like a little bit of vacation in between of school and work. Well life is life and next year i'll be 18 so i can get even more / better job opportunity's.

Didn't go as planned

    So as the title says - everything didn't go as i planned it. I screwed up. He got scared ( i hope ). I pushed too far. Most of his friends started to put pressure on him so he told one of our class mates that he likes me just as a friend for now -  i don't know if my friend was sugar coating me  but his version was that he said that he wasn't ready yet. I mean it hurts even more because everyone around me was so sure that he liked me. - So as you can imagine that i was a bit devastated for the whole weekend and the first week. It wasn't just the fact that he didn't like me but the thing that i fear the most did happen. He ignored me for the first week. Barely spoke to me the first week and if he did he wouldn't look me in the eyes. It literally broke my heart because i didn't want to lose him as friend.I cried in school, i cried at night and i was just so sad. I felt like it was my fault.

     Now it has been for like two weeks i think. One of my best friends suggested that i just give him time. So i gave him time. I tried time from time to talk with him but it wasn't going anywhere so i just decided to wait for him.  And yesterday he talked to me for the first time like for real. He looked me in the eyes and smiled and spoke to me!  I was supper happy. And today he spoke to me even more. I know i'm like getting hyped for such a little thing but honestly i'm just hyped if i can get him back even as a friend. I'm just gonna take it easy from now on and hope that he come through to me. 

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Right school. I have like two weeks left until the summer vacation. Until my work starts. I have so many essays to write and school work is just piling up. I'm super stressed ( when wouldn't i be? ). I actually should be studying right now but what am i doing? Writing about my non existing problems. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow.