Still lost

Christmas is right around the corner but i doesn't feel like it. I think one of the reasons is that we have still school tomorrow. Our winter break starts on Thursday and x-mast is on Saturday. I would want the winter break to start already but i don't know i'm still kinda of happy that it hasn't because i see the guy i like everyday... I still have a problem. I have always like putted too much thought into things and it's causing so much stress to me these days. I don't know what to do with my crush. We talk a little bit everyday and we have these weird eye contacts sometimes and my friend said to me that on this one day he was like stared at me for so long. And i've been talking to one of my friends that is a close friend to my crush and he said that he isn't normally like that around girls. But then also it's has got me thinking that what if this is all in my head. All the eye contacts and that he doesn't talk to other girl like he talks to me because it has happened in the past. That i have been over thinking and actually there was nothing there between me and my past crush.  I'm just lost because i don't want to get hurt. Again. And i'm afraid that if i tell him about how i feel he'll be just like be all awkward and our friendship won't be the same no more ( has happened to me ). But my friend just told me in the car that if he does that then he isn't just a good friend. All what my friends have told and advised me are good but i still don't know what to do. 

     What i wish for Christmas is a new pair of brains so that i wouldn't have to over think anymore! 

                                                    

As lost as Alice

  Sorry!  

I apologize that i haven't wrote anything in a long time. I've just been so busy with school and my mind. I have had so many school things to do lately. My test week just passed and we had our last test today. I have no idea how it went. It's been so hard to concentrate on these tests and i really have no idea why. My close friend is now at the other end of Finland, Lapland. I just miss her. She always clears my head when i have trouble and she always listens and we always have the best laughs. She has only been away for a week but i still miss her. My heads been all over the place. I like this one boy on my class. He makes me laugh and i enjoy his company, but i'm still afraid that if i one day have the guts to tell him that i like him and he rejects me, he may not be my friend anymore or  not talk to me. I don't want to lose him. Like today, when the exam was over he came to sit next to me and we talked for like 45 minutes until he had to get to his bus. But that whole time we talked i laughed and smiled. He makes me happy and that's why i'm afraid. I'm so shy to tell him how i feel and i'm afraid to tell him if he rejects me.  I don't know what to do and i hope that my friend can help me when she comes back from Lapland. Anyone got any tips on how to clear head from stress?

School

     So our school has started and i'm already so done with it. I mean it's not that hard ( yet ) but still. Our normal day starts at 8.30 and end at 16.00. And i'm always just so tired after a long day like that and in this schedule we end at 12.55 on every Monday. So that's not so bad, but the thing that makes it extra hard is that i don't see my friends every brake or at lunch. And i don't know why but it's like extra hard for me right now. I miss them so much like every day even though i know that i will see them after school but i still miss them every day. But the thing that has made me so happy this weekend was that my ( male ) best friend is happy now. Like two weeks ago he wasn't happy at all. He was so angry and so frustrated and he just wasn't happy and i tried to help him but he just didn't want help and he just didn't care. He like had some problems with his family and so on. And i hadn't seen him in all week until last Friday. And when i saw him  he just smiled. He came to me and smiled and hugged me. I was so happy, i almost started crying!  The last time i saw him that happy was months ago. But the reason why he is so happy. It's a girl. One of my friends and okay yeah i like her she is cool but there is one problem. She has just told us that she has like '' a thing '' going on with 6 DIFFERENT GUYS. So i have said to my friends that yeah i don't trust her because she has 6 different guys and she has a thing going on with my best friend. I'm just scared the she will just throw him into a wall and bee like yeah i don't like you anymore. Because as i said he has been having some troubles with everything and he has said to me that no one else cares about him except for me and his brother. And he has said to me that he finds it really hard to find the happy thing in life. So now that he is happy  i'm just scared because i don't want  him to go to that bad place again where he doesn't seem to find any happiness. So this girl heard what i had said about her, that i don't trust her. She came to me and said that i don't have to be worried that he is special. But she didn't say anything about the six other guys that has she stopped talking to them?  She just said to me that like he is spacial. And i know that he is. That's why i'm scared, that's why he is my best friend.    I just want him to be happy and enjoy the life that he has. And if she does something to  him   i swear that i will do something bad.    Anyways that was the thing that i wanted to get of my chest. Thanks

Reborn problems?

     This is a story that i wanna share with you guys. So last summer was the best summer ever. We had so much fun and we were all happy. But there was a reason why we were always so happy. Our group started using   drugs. And no i'm not proud of it but i mean it was fun at that time. Long story short  on of our friends got caught  and after that our group wasn't involved in drugs until this summer. So couple of  our friends started acting weird and we knew that they were using again but at that time they did't hang out with us so much. Then one of our friends friend came here from another town. And that's kinda how it started again  BUT this time  i wasn't involved! And i'm proud of myself. Because there has been so many times that i have been so close to ask if i could join them. One of our newest friends joined them too and we girls were so angry at him because he was such a sweet and young boy and we didn't want him to go with them  but he did. I mean yeah  it' his own decision but still. Last Saturday when i was alone with the boys  they were like smoking and they were so high. Then on of my closest friends came there and yeah she was a bit drunk but she started to yell at the guys and me. She said some mean things that she shamed the next morning but she also did good because the young sweet boy of ours hasn't touched drugs since   or so he said.  But  i just wanna believe him  and i'm so prod of him.
    In other news  next week is gonna be the  last week at work and i'm so happy!  I'm so tired of the work  it's so exhausting. And tomorrow  i have a day off and i'm so happy about that too because today i was out with my friends and we had so much fun and i did't have to watch to clock all the time! We were out hunting Pokémon's  for like two hours and we found Pikachu! We were all so hyped! It's was so much fun.  And  i just noticed that at the moment   everything is okay. I just yesterday did like a real end to my '' relationship '' with the boy who did more bad to me than good. I just said that i don't wanna talk to him in any forms and i said that i don't even want us to have a streak on Snapchat. Okay i may had taken it too far but still. And everything is just good. Hope you have a great day!

Summer vacation?

      So i just finished my 9th grade and my '' basic '' school ( the school system is different here in Finland  ) and the next step is to go to collage i think. We have been on summer vacation for like over a month but i have had vacation for like two weeks because i have been working  and i hate it. I mean yeah i know that i'm gonna get money out of it but it just sucks because this is the last summer that i can hang out with most of my friends and i go to work at 7 and my day ends at 15.30. So my days are pretty much like  wake up at 6 o'clock, go to work, get home, eat and rest for a little while, go out with friends, be home by 21.30, go to sleep.  I'ts really hard and i would really like just quit but i my last three weeks starts tomorrow so i'll just try and get through them.  
    My life has been a bit of a mess lately. My friends have had hard times and i have had. One of my best friends just broke up with his boyfriend, i was mad to my best friend for a long time, i could had had a boyfriend at one point but  i pushed him away because  he did more bad to me then good.  I decided that i would't get any feelings towards any one this summer but that plan also just blew to my face. There is this new boy that came to hang out with us  and he is really sweet and funny and  yeah. And  now i have feelings for him ( thumbs up )  BUT i will try and control my feelings.  But let's not go too sad and deep  so i'll tell you guys about yesterday. So here where i live we had yesterday this little thing called  venefestarit. It's like this thing where people gather to this place near the beach. There you can drink and dance and eat and stuff, it's really fun. So we were yesterday there but we were like next to the  '' dancing place '' ( there's a big grass area where like all the '' younger '' people gather ). And we had so much fun  we were so dunk and we were falling all over the places and we just had so much fun <3 We were the last group that was there and we went home at like 4 o'clock. Whoops.   I love these guys so much and i wish that we could be friends forever <3  I'm just scared that what will happen after schools start.  But well see then.  Bye

Stress, stress, stress

 So it's the last two month's of school and i'm shitting myself. Now the real work begins where the teachers start to push us to the limits and see what we know. It's so hard but i can't do nothing more to it than just read and get the best grades i can get because i know that it will be even more stressful next year. And school is not the only thing that's stressing me out right now.
                So through these weeks i have started to have feeling for this one guy. He was with my best friend but they weren't even like together, they just had a thing. But when i saw how he treated my best friend i felt like '' he is so nice ''. So from that i started to have feeling for him. But i have this one bad side. I start to have feeling for a guy even when i don't know them that well and it sucks + i'm really shy and never go talk to my crushes. But this time i have tried to talk to him on Snapchat and Whatsapp but he takes like an hour to reply. So i thought to start to get closer to him by hanging with him outside of school. But here's a problem too. He's not that often out and if he is he stays right after school ( i often go first home and the come out ) and  he leaves like at 5pm. So nothing seems to work. Then one of my friends told him that i was interested in him but he just answer like ok ( he was drunk ). So i never got a real answer. I tried to get the answer like last week but he didn't reply to my message. I thought that i would write him a REALLY long message where i would want an answer but then i thought that maybe that's why my crush things never work. Because i tell them too soon that i'm interested in them. So i talked to my friend and i decided to wait for some time and just get to know this guy a little better before i tell him things :-D. Wow. That was rough. But i'm glad that i can tell these things to you guys. I think i'm making the right choice. What do you think?   Good night my mushrooms