Back to normal

 So now the Erasmus week is over. It was very stressful and i was very tired from it but still it was awesome. Monday and Tuesday we were showing the people our school and town. Wednesday we went to Helsinki and on Tuesday we went sliding down a hill with some sleds and after that we went to a museum and ice skating. On Tuesday evening we had a little get together in our school and our band called Voice Crack preformed in there. After that we had an after party and we had a really good time. On Friday morning the Norther Irish people had to go home because in Helsinki- Vantaa Airport people are striking so there original flight got cancelled. On the same day the Italians and Germans left and today the Spanish and Slovakian people left. I cried when we dropped the Slovakian's to the buss station.  I'm a little bit scared to go to school next week because we haven't been to any normal classes this week so we are so behind on everything. But the one positive thing is that i get to be with my class mates and my crush 😊. Wish me luck!

Eramus week

So today started our Erasmus week. That means that there are coming 25 students from Germany, Slovakia, Northern Ireland, Spain and Italy. They arrived today and i have a Slovakian girl named Marianna. She is actually Hungarian and belongs to the minority in Slovakia. I was and still am really nervous that what am i going to do with her because she is leaving on Saturday and literally there is nothing to do here. Hopefully we will figure something our during the week. It will be interesting to see what will happen.  So for this week we won't be going to any regular classes so i won't spent any time with my friends or my crush. That's pretty sad but it's worth it.
    I FINALLY got the book report done for our Finnish class. It was to do like two week ago 😅 now i'm just waiting for our teacher to review it. We also got to know what grades did we get from the last period. I got 9 from Psychology and 8 from Philosophy. I'm really proud of those two but then i got a 7 from History and 6 from our health class. But it's okay i can't be good at everything.
   I have been sober for three months now and last Friday i got really drunk. We were celebrating our friends birthday. It was really fun but my friends were arguing ( they are in a relationship ) and my friend was crying and i don't know why but i got upset about it and i called my other friend for comfort and i told her not to say anything to anyone because i was drunk. Long story short my friend sent me a text asking me about it and she just wanted to tell me how she felt and i totally understood. From this moment on i promised her that i won't tell stuff forward to anybody. Because i don't want her to lose her trust in me.

Shy

 I have always been shy especially with boys. I'm just super insecure and i'm always afraid that i'll embarrass myself in front of others. But now i have a crush and that crush happens to be on the same class as me. He is super funny and i think that we have a connection. I'm still really scared that it's just in my imagination, u know?  That it's just all in my head because i want the connection to be real. When we talk he always looks straight into my eyes. But i don't know if it's just normal for him to always look into peoples eyes.  All of my friends have been like '' say something to him '' and believe me i want to but i'm afraid that if he doesn't like me that we won't be the same again and i don't want to lose our friend ship. Anyways i came up with a little plan how i can get more information his feeling towards me. We have these dances in our school that when the second grades became the oldest in our school, they have to dance. It's a tradition. So we have to dance next year and i was thinking that i'll ask him to be my partner. Very genius plan! 😈    The hard part is to ask him.

 School is literally tearing me apart. I have still so two books to read (the first one is already late 😅).  The second book is about 400 pages long 😊. Well i'm trying to get them done ASAP. We just had our test week and it went pretty bad but it's okay i think. Those subjects don't matter to me that much. I'm trying to get my ship together for these last months. Then it's summer vacation and relaxing! Well for a little while anyways because summer job. Oh well i get money out of it so it's worth it right?

                                     

2017

 Christmas was and went and now it's 2017. Time just seems to fly. Soon enough i'll turn 17- feels weird. And also the fact that we have just a few months of school. And then i'll have to get a summer job and get ready for the next year of school. Mostly like prepare mentally for it. It's kind of frustrating.

   My last week has been interesting because we actually went to Slovakia with a few of my class mates and two teachers. It's this project called Erasmus+. The countries that are in it are Northern- Ireland, Spain, Italy, Slovakia, Germany and Finland. We went to Slovakia, Bratislava. We flew there on Sunday 22 of January. We flew to Vienna which is actually in Austria but it's only an hour drive away from Bratislava. We spent the first day in Vienna. The city was so beautiful! I want to live there one day <3  The architecture was amazing! I loved it very very much. In the evening we took a bus and went to Bratislava. There our host family's came to pick us up from the buss station. My hosts name was Anna and there was another person living with us. His name was Paul and he was from Germany. They were both very nice and Anna's family was really nice. Her mother didn't speak English but Anna translated every thing to me and Paul. Anna's father spoke a bit English. There was also a brother, he is a few years younger than Anna. We were there for six night's and on Friday left. We arrived in Finland about 12.pm and event though the flight was just 2 hours i was and am still so tired from it. But it was fun and i'm really going to miss those guys <3 I'm kind of happy to be home except for the stress :-))

 So on this weeks Friday our test week starts and i'm really not ready for it, because we have 4 tests and i haven't studied to any of them. Also after our Holiday vacation i was the first week sick, next week i was at school and the week after that we left for Slovakia- so for a short version. I'm really really behind on everything i have to do. Besides the tests i have, i have to do a book report, a history essay and i have a lot of assignments from our health class. Does the stress never end?

Still lost

Christmas is right around the corner but i doesn't feel like it. I think one of the reasons is that we have still school tomorrow. Our winter break starts on Thursday and x-mast is on Saturday. I would want the winter break to start already but i don't know i'm still kinda of happy that it hasn't because i see the guy i like everyday... I still have a problem. I have always like putted too much thought into things and it's causing so much stress to me these days. I don't know what to do with my crush. We talk a little bit everyday and we have these weird eye contacts sometimes and my friend said to me that on this one day he was like stared at me for so long. And i've been talking to one of my friends that is a close friend to my crush and he said that he isn't normally like that around girls. But then also it's has got me thinking that what if this is all in my head. All the eye contacts and that he doesn't talk to other girl like he talks to me because it has happened in the past. That i have been over thinking and actually there was nothing there between me and my past crush.  I'm just lost because i don't want to get hurt. Again. And i'm afraid that if i tell him about how i feel he'll be just like be all awkward and our friendship won't be the same no more ( has happened to me ). But my friend just told me in the car that if he does that then he isn't just a good friend. All what my friends have told and advised me are good but i still don't know what to do. 

     What i wish for Christmas is a new pair of brains so that i wouldn't have to over think anymore! 

                                                    

As lost as Alice

  Sorry!  

I apologize that i haven't wrote anything in a long time. I've just been so busy with school and my mind. I have had so many school things to do lately. My test week just passed and we had our last test today. I have no idea how it went. It's been so hard to concentrate on these tests and i really have no idea why. My close friend is now at the other end of Finland, Lapland. I just miss her. She always clears my head when i have trouble and she always listens and we always have the best laughs. She has only been away for a week but i still miss her. My heads been all over the place. I like this one boy on my class. He makes me laugh and i enjoy his company, but i'm still afraid that if i one day have the guts to tell him that i like him and he rejects me, he may not be my friend anymore or  not talk to me. I don't want to lose him. Like today, when the exam was over he came to sit next to me and we talked for like 45 minutes until he had to get to his bus. But that whole time we talked i laughed and smiled. He makes me happy and that's why i'm afraid. I'm so shy to tell him how i feel and i'm afraid to tell him if he rejects me.  I don't know what to do and i hope that my friend can help me when she comes back from Lapland. Anyone got any tips on how to clear head from stress?

School

     So our school has started and i'm already so done with it. I mean it's not that hard ( yet ) but still. Our normal day starts at 8.30 and end at 16.00. And i'm always just so tired after a long day like that and in this schedule we end at 12.55 on every Monday. So that's not so bad, but the thing that makes it extra hard is that i don't see my friends every brake or at lunch. And i don't know why but it's like extra hard for me right now. I miss them so much like every day even though i know that i will see them after school but i still miss them every day. But the thing that has made me so happy this weekend was that my ( male ) best friend is happy now. Like two weeks ago he wasn't happy at all. He was so angry and so frustrated and he just wasn't happy and i tried to help him but he just didn't want help and he just didn't care. He like had some problems with his family and so on. And i hadn't seen him in all week until last Friday. And when i saw him  he just smiled. He came to me and smiled and hugged me. I was so happy, i almost started crying!  The last time i saw him that happy was months ago. But the reason why he is so happy. It's a girl. One of my friends and okay yeah i like her she is cool but there is one problem. She has just told us that she has like '' a thing '' going on with 6 DIFFERENT GUYS. So i have said to my friends that yeah i don't trust her because she has 6 different guys and she has a thing going on with my best friend. I'm just scared the she will just throw him into a wall and bee like yeah i don't like you anymore. Because as i said he has been having some troubles with everything and he has said to me that no one else cares about him except for me and his brother. And he has said to me that he finds it really hard to find the happy thing in life. So now that he is happy  i'm just scared because i don't want  him to go to that bad place again where he doesn't seem to find any happiness. So this girl heard what i had said about her, that i don't trust her. She came to me and said that i don't have to be worried that he is special. But she didn't say anything about the six other guys that has she stopped talking to them?  She just said to me that like he is spacial. And i know that he is. That's why i'm scared, that's why he is my best friend.    I just want him to be happy and enjoy the life that he has. And if she does something to  him   i swear that i will do something bad.    Anyways that was the thing that i wanted to get of my chest. Thanks