Shy

 I have always been shy especially with boys. I'm just super insecure and i'm always afraid that i'll embarrass myself in front of others. But now i have a crush and that crush happens to be on the same class as me. He is super funny and i think that we have a connection. I'm still really scared that it's just in my imagination, u know?  That it's just all in my head because i want the connection to be real. When we talk he always looks straight into my eyes. But i don't know if it's just normal for him to always look into peoples eyes.  All of my friends have been like '' say something to him '' and believe me i want to but i'm afraid that if he doesn't like me that we won't be the same again and i don't want to lose our friend ship. Anyways i came up with a little plan how i can get more information his feeling towards me. We have these dances in our school that when the second grades became the oldest in our school, they have to dance. It's a tradition. So we have to dance next year and i was thinking that i'll ask him to be my partner. Very genius plan! 😈    The hard part is to ask him.

 School is literally tearing me apart. I have still so two books to read (the first one is already late 😅).  The second book is about 400 pages long 😊. Well i'm trying to get them done ASAP. We just had our test week and it went pretty bad but it's okay i think. Those subjects don't matter to me that much. I'm trying to get my ship together for these last months. Then it's summer vacation and relaxing! Well for a little while anyways because summer job. Oh well i get money out of it so it's worth it right?

                                     

2017

 Christmas was and went and now it's 2017. Time just seems to fly. Soon enough i'll turn 17- feels weird. And also the fact that we have just a few months of school. And then i'll have to get a summer job and get ready for the next year of school. Mostly like prepare mentally for it. It's kind of frustrating.

   My last week has been interesting because we actually went to Slovakia with a few of my class mates and two teachers. It's this project called Erasmus+. The countries that are in it are Northern- Ireland, Spain, Italy, Slovakia, Germany and Finland. We went to Slovakia, Bratislava. We flew there on Sunday 22 of January. We flew to Vienna which is actually in Austria but it's only an hour drive away from Bratislava. We spent the first day in Vienna. The city was so beautiful! I want to live there one day <3  The architecture was amazing! I loved it very very much. In the evening we took a bus and went to Bratislava. There our host family's came to pick us up from the buss station. My hosts name was Anna and there was another person living with us. His name was Paul and he was from Germany. They were both very nice and Anna's family was really nice. Her mother didn't speak English but Anna translated every thing to me and Paul. Anna's father spoke a bit English. There was also a brother, he is a few years younger than Anna. We were there for six night's and on Friday left. We arrived in Finland about 12.pm and event though the flight was just 2 hours i was and am still so tired from it. But it was fun and i'm really going to miss those guys <3 I'm kind of happy to be home except for the stress :-))

 So on this weeks Friday our test week starts and i'm really not ready for it, because we have 4 tests and i haven't studied to any of them. Also after our Holiday vacation i was the first week sick, next week i was at school and the week after that we left for Slovakia- so for a short version. I'm really really behind on everything i have to do. Besides the tests i have, i have to do a book report, a history essay and i have a lot of assignments from our health class. Does the stress never end?

Still lost

Christmas is right around the corner but i doesn't feel like it. I think one of the reasons is that we have still school tomorrow. Our winter break starts on Thursday and x-mast is on Saturday. I would want the winter break to start already but i don't know i'm still kinda of happy that it hasn't because i see the guy i like everyday... I still have a problem. I have always like putted too much thought into things and it's causing so much stress to me these days. I don't know what to do with my crush. We talk a little bit everyday and we have these weird eye contacts sometimes and my friend said to me that on this one day he was like stared at me for so long. And i've been talking to one of my friends that is a close friend to my crush and he said that he isn't normally like that around girls. But then also it's has got me thinking that what if this is all in my head. All the eye contacts and that he doesn't talk to other girl like he talks to me because it has happened in the past. That i have been over thinking and actually there was nothing there between me and my past crush.  I'm just lost because i don't want to get hurt. Again. And i'm afraid that if i tell him about how i feel he'll be just like be all awkward and our friendship won't be the same no more ( has happened to me ). But my friend just told me in the car that if he does that then he isn't just a good friend. All what my friends have told and advised me are good but i still don't know what to do. 

     What i wish for Christmas is a new pair of brains so that i wouldn't have to over think anymore! 

                                                    

As lost as Alice

  Sorry!  

I apologize that i haven't wrote anything in a long time. I've just been so busy with school and my mind. I have had so many school things to do lately. My test week just passed and we had our last test today. I have no idea how it went. It's been so hard to concentrate on these tests and i really have no idea why. My close friend is now at the other end of Finland, Lapland. I just miss her. She always clears my head when i have trouble and she always listens and we always have the best laughs. She has only been away for a week but i still miss her. My heads been all over the place. I like this one boy on my class. He makes me laugh and i enjoy his company, but i'm still afraid that if i one day have the guts to tell him that i like him and he rejects me, he may not be my friend anymore or  not talk to me. I don't want to lose him. Like today, when the exam was over he came to sit next to me and we talked for like 45 minutes until he had to get to his bus. But that whole time we talked i laughed and smiled. He makes me happy and that's why i'm afraid. I'm so shy to tell him how i feel and i'm afraid to tell him if he rejects me.  I don't know what to do and i hope that my friend can help me when she comes back from Lapland. Anyone got any tips on how to clear head from stress?

School

     So our school has started and i'm already so done with it. I mean it's not that hard ( yet ) but still. Our normal day starts at 8.30 and end at 16.00. And i'm always just so tired after a long day like that and in this schedule we end at 12.55 on every Monday. So that's not so bad, but the thing that makes it extra hard is that i don't see my friends every brake or at lunch. And i don't know why but it's like extra hard for me right now. I miss them so much like every day even though i know that i will see them after school but i still miss them every day. But the thing that has made me so happy this weekend was that my ( male ) best friend is happy now. Like two weeks ago he wasn't happy at all. He was so angry and so frustrated and he just wasn't happy and i tried to help him but he just didn't want help and he just didn't care. He like had some problems with his family and so on. And i hadn't seen him in all week until last Friday. And when i saw him  he just smiled. He came to me and smiled and hugged me. I was so happy, i almost started crying!  The last time i saw him that happy was months ago. But the reason why he is so happy. It's a girl. One of my friends and okay yeah i like her she is cool but there is one problem. She has just told us that she has like '' a thing '' going on with 6 DIFFERENT GUYS. So i have said to my friends that yeah i don't trust her because she has 6 different guys and she has a thing going on with my best friend. I'm just scared the she will just throw him into a wall and bee like yeah i don't like you anymore. Because as i said he has been having some troubles with everything and he has said to me that no one else cares about him except for me and his brother. And he has said to me that he finds it really hard to find the happy thing in life. So now that he is happy  i'm just scared because i don't want  him to go to that bad place again where he doesn't seem to find any happiness. So this girl heard what i had said about her, that i don't trust her. She came to me and said that i don't have to be worried that he is special. But she didn't say anything about the six other guys that has she stopped talking to them?  She just said to me that like he is spacial. And i know that he is. That's why i'm scared, that's why he is my best friend.    I just want him to be happy and enjoy the life that he has. And if she does something to  him   i swear that i will do something bad.    Anyways that was the thing that i wanted to get of my chest. Thanks

Reborn problems?

     This is a story that i wanna share with you guys. So last summer was the best summer ever. We had so much fun and we were all happy. But there was a reason why we were always so happy. Our group started using   drugs. And no i'm not proud of it but i mean it was fun at that time. Long story short  on of our friends got caught  and after that our group wasn't involved in drugs until this summer. So couple of  our friends started acting weird and we knew that they were using again but at that time they did't hang out with us so much. Then one of our friends friend came here from another town. And that's kinda how it started again  BUT this time  i wasn't involved! And i'm proud of myself. Because there has been so many times that i have been so close to ask if i could join them. One of our newest friends joined them too and we girls were so angry at him because he was such a sweet and young boy and we didn't want him to go with them  but he did. I mean yeah  it' his own decision but still. Last Saturday when i was alone with the boys  they were like smoking and they were so high. Then on of my closest friends came there and yeah she was a bit drunk but she started to yell at the guys and me. She said some mean things that she shamed the next morning but she also did good because the young sweet boy of ours hasn't touched drugs since   or so he said.  But  i just wanna believe him  and i'm so prod of him.
    In other news  next week is gonna be the  last week at work and i'm so happy!  I'm so tired of the work  it's so exhausting. And tomorrow  i have a day off and i'm so happy about that too because today i was out with my friends and we had so much fun and i did't have to watch to clock all the time! We were out hunting Pokémon's  for like two hours and we found Pikachu! We were all so hyped! It's was so much fun.  And  i just noticed that at the moment   everything is okay. I just yesterday did like a real end to my '' relationship '' with the boy who did more bad to me than good. I just said that i don't wanna talk to him in any forms and i said that i don't even want us to have a streak on Snapchat. Okay i may had taken it too far but still. And everything is just good. Hope you have a great day!

Summer vacation?

      So i just finished my 9th grade and my '' basic '' school ( the school system is different here in Finland  ) and the next step is to go to collage i think. We have been on summer vacation for like over a month but i have had vacation for like two weeks because i have been working  and i hate it. I mean yeah i know that i'm gonna get money out of it but it just sucks because this is the last summer that i can hang out with most of my friends and i go to work at 7 and my day ends at 15.30. So my days are pretty much like  wake up at 6 o'clock, go to work, get home, eat and rest for a little while, go out with friends, be home by 21.30, go to sleep.  I'ts really hard and i would really like just quit but i my last three weeks starts tomorrow so i'll just try and get through them.  
    My life has been a bit of a mess lately. My friends have had hard times and i have had. One of my best friends just broke up with his boyfriend, i was mad to my best friend for a long time, i could had had a boyfriend at one point but  i pushed him away because  he did more bad to me then good.  I decided that i would't get any feelings towards any one this summer but that plan also just blew to my face. There is this new boy that came to hang out with us  and he is really sweet and funny and  yeah. And  now i have feelings for him ( thumbs up )  BUT i will try and control my feelings.  But let's not go too sad and deep  so i'll tell you guys about yesterday. So here where i live we had yesterday this little thing called  venefestarit. It's like this thing where people gather to this place near the beach. There you can drink and dance and eat and stuff, it's really fun. So we were yesterday there but we were like next to the  '' dancing place '' ( there's a big grass area where like all the '' younger '' people gather ). And we had so much fun  we were so dunk and we were falling all over the places and we just had so much fun <3 We were the last group that was there and we went home at like 4 o'clock. Whoops.   I love these guys so much and i wish that we could be friends forever <3  I'm just scared that what will happen after schools start.  But well see then.  Bye