Future

    Now that my first year in collage is almost over, me and my sister have been talking a lot about my future.  Right now my carrier choice is a psychiatrist and especially for the young people. I think that teens my age and younger have bad psychical health. I think the psychiatrists these days, especially in schools don't understand teens or what they need. They just sit face-to-face with each other in a white, distressing room and the school psychiatrist just tries to make the kid talk. They should make them feel safe, understood and comfortable . That's why i think that the psychiatrists should be younger so that they could /might really relate to what the teens are going through with there lives because even if it feel like a little issue to an adult, it can feel very pressuring for the teen.  Very little things can feel major to us young people.

 So there's a little inside of my future and my '' right now '' carrier choice. I'm really nervous. It's the last week of school and i start my work next Monday. Outdoor working from 6am to 4pm except for Fridays i get of at 2pm. This shit for six weeks... I know i should be grateful for even getting a summer job but i'd just like a little bit of vacation in between of school and work. Well life is life and next year i'll be 18 so i can get even more / better job opportunity's.

Didn't go as planned

    So as the title says - everything didn't go as i planned it. I screwed up. He got scared ( i hope ). I pushed too far. Most of his friends started to put pressure on him so he told one of our class mates that he likes me just as a friend for now -  i don't know if my friend was sugar coating me  but his version was that he said that he wasn't ready yet. I mean it hurts even more because everyone around me was so sure that he liked me. - So as you can imagine that i was a bit devastated for the whole weekend and the first week. It wasn't just the fact that he didn't like me but the thing that i fear the most did happen. He ignored me for the first week. Barely spoke to me the first week and if he did he wouldn't look me in the eyes. It literally broke my heart because i didn't want to lose him as friend.I cried in school, i cried at night and i was just so sad. I felt like it was my fault.

     Now it has been for like two weeks i think. One of my best friends suggested that i just give him time. So i gave him time. I tried time from time to talk with him but it wasn't going anywhere so i just decided to wait for him.  And yesterday he talked to me for the first time like for real. He looked me in the eyes and smiled and spoke to me!  I was supper happy. And today he spoke to me even more. I know i'm like getting hyped for such a little thing but honestly i'm just hyped if i can get him back even as a friend. I'm just gonna take it easy from now on and hope that he come through to me. 

    ¨

Right school. I have like two weeks left until the summer vacation. Until my work starts. I have so many essays to write and school work is just piling up. I'm super stressed ( when wouldn't i be? ). I actually should be studying right now but what am i doing? Writing about my non existing problems. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow. 

Don't give up

It's been hard couple of weeks. I stress ( as usual ) about the future. Our last period of this semester just started and next autumn i'll be on second year. Once again closer to my final exams. I know i'm stressing out over nothing right now. My final exams will be in the third or fourth year. I always stress to much
  One other reason why these past weeks have been hard on me are because of a boy. I thought we had something. Always when i talked with him he would stair straight into my eyes and he just felt different. I'm too shy to tell him how  i feel and i'm afraid that if he doesn't feel the same way i'll lose him as a friends. And as selfish as this sounds - i'm scared that i'll get hurt again.   So i was thinking that i should just let it go. Let him go. And then on Monday evening i got a message from my friend saying she was talking with my crush and found out that he likes someone. Someone from our class. I was thrilled but also quite scared because my first thought was that what if it's someone else from our class. I was so scared that night. But the next day changed almost everything. He started talking to me. More than usual - we talked for the whole fee period we had! Nothing important. Movies, games and pokemon. Yep pokemon! But it was nice. And my friend thinks that this is he making a move on me because when she talked with him she said that he should do something, make a move, start something. So i hope that this is it then. So all i can say is don't give up too easily like i have done many times. But not this time.
  This sounds more like a real passionate romance story doesn't it? Sorry got carried away there. But i am really exited about this. Hopefully everything ill be okay.

Test week.

This week just started and i'm already so done with everything. Yesterday we had English test and today was our Swedish test. And they just keep coming. Tomorrow is our biology test, Thursday we have religion and Finnish exam and Friday is math. It' would be nothing but two tests on the same day! Jesus and i can just feel that tomorrows biology's test will go to the woods. I don't know anything and i have been paying attention in class but we are studying something about DNA and RNA, photosynthesis, cells and what are inside of them i mean what the hell?! I'm trying to understand everything but i just can't. It's just something that doesn't stuck in my head. And i have another book report that is to do on Thursday. I still have over 200 pages left to read. Love high school or collage what ever this school is. It's always so hard for me to tell about my school because i live in Finland and the school system goes a bit differently here the for an example the UK. Well what ever. I should be studying and here i'm, writing to my blog and listening to Troye Sivan. Shit. 

 Up date on my crush: On Sunday i went out with him and a couple of friends. It was nice but today i got really jealous. It felt weird. I always thought that we had '' something '' because he always looked me in the eyes when we talked and blaa blaa but today he was talking to one of my class girls and i felt like there was nothing different about how he talked to her and how he talks to me. And this is what i have been afraid of all the time. That all of this is just in my head. And i really don't know that to do i mean if this IS all just in my head then shouldn't i just drop it. Forget the feelings an remain as friends with him? I don't want that to be honest but i don't want us to not be friends. I know i'm very difficult with this manner and everybody says that '' go talk to him '' , '' what can you lose from it? '' , '' just tell him how you feel '' . It's not that easy to me because i'm really scared that if he doesn't feel the same way about me then we will no longer be friends. I have been rejected so many time i don't feel that confident around boys i like.  Maybe this is just one of those things that you have to get over with. * sigh *

Back to normal

 So now the Erasmus week is over. It was very stressful and i was very tired from it but still it was awesome. Monday and Tuesday we were showing the people our school and town. Wednesday we went to Helsinki and on Tuesday we went sliding down a hill with some sleds and after that we went to a museum and ice skating. On Tuesday evening we had a little get together in our school and our band called Voice Crack preformed in there. After that we had an after party and we had a really good time. On Friday morning the Norther Irish people had to go home because in Helsinki- Vantaa Airport people are striking so there original flight got cancelled. On the same day the Italians and Germans left and today the Spanish and Slovakian people left. I cried when we dropped the Slovakian's to the buss station.  I'm a little bit scared to go to school next week because we haven't been to any normal classes this week so we are so behind on everything. But the one positive thing is that i get to be with my class mates and my crush 😊. Wish me luck!

Eramus week

So today started our Erasmus week. That means that there are coming 25 students from Germany, Slovakia, Northern Ireland, Spain and Italy. They arrived today and i have a Slovakian girl named Marianna. She is actually Hungarian and belongs to the minority in Slovakia. I was and still am really nervous that what am i going to do with her because she is leaving on Saturday and literally there is nothing to do here. Hopefully we will figure something our during the week. It will be interesting to see what will happen.  So for this week we won't be going to any regular classes so i won't spent any time with my friends or my crush. That's pretty sad but it's worth it.
    I FINALLY got the book report done for our Finnish class. It was to do like two week ago 😅 now i'm just waiting for our teacher to review it. We also got to know what grades did we get from the last period. I got 9 from Psychology and 8 from Philosophy. I'm really proud of those two but then i got a 7 from History and 6 from our health class. But it's okay i can't be good at everything.
   I have been sober for three months now and last Friday i got really drunk. We were celebrating our friends birthday. It was really fun but my friends were arguing ( they are in a relationship ) and my friend was crying and i don't know why but i got upset about it and i called my other friend for comfort and i told her not to say anything to anyone because i was drunk. Long story short my friend sent me a text asking me about it and she just wanted to tell me how she felt and i totally understood. From this moment on i promised her that i won't tell stuff forward to anybody. Because i don't want her to lose her trust in me.

Shy

 I have always been shy especially with boys. I'm just super insecure and i'm always afraid that i'll embarrass myself in front of others. But now i have a crush and that crush happens to be on the same class as me. He is super funny and i think that we have a connection. I'm still really scared that it's just in my imagination, u know?  That it's just all in my head because i want the connection to be real. When we talk he always looks straight into my eyes. But i don't know if it's just normal for him to always look into peoples eyes.  All of my friends have been like '' say something to him '' and believe me i want to but i'm afraid that if he doesn't like me that we won't be the same again and i don't want to lose our friend ship. Anyways i came up with a little plan how i can get more information his feeling towards me. We have these dances in our school that when the second grades became the oldest in our school, they have to dance. It's a tradition. So we have to dance next year and i was thinking that i'll ask him to be my partner. Very genius plan! 😈    The hard part is to ask him.

 School is literally tearing me apart. I have still so two books to read (the first one is already late 😅).  The second book is about 400 pages long 😊. Well i'm trying to get them done ASAP. We just had our test week and it went pretty bad but it's okay i think. Those subjects don't matter to me that much. I'm trying to get my ship together for these last months. Then it's summer vacation and relaxing! Well for a little while anyways because summer job. Oh well i get money out of it so it's worth it right?

                                     

2017

 Christmas was and went and now it's 2017. Time just seems to fly. Soon enough i'll turn 17- feels weird. And also the fact that we have just a few months of school. And then i'll have to get a summer job and get ready for the next year of school. Mostly like prepare mentally for it. It's kind of frustrating.

   My last week has been interesting because we actually went to Slovakia with a few of my class mates and two teachers. It's this project called Erasmus+. The countries that are in it are Northern- Ireland, Spain, Italy, Slovakia, Germany and Finland. We went to Slovakia, Bratislava. We flew there on Sunday 22 of January. We flew to Vienna which is actually in Austria but it's only an hour drive away from Bratislava. We spent the first day in Vienna. The city was so beautiful! I want to live there one day <3  The architecture was amazing! I loved it very very much. In the evening we took a bus and went to Bratislava. There our host family's came to pick us up from the buss station. My hosts name was Anna and there was another person living with us. His name was Paul and he was from Germany. They were both very nice and Anna's family was really nice. Her mother didn't speak English but Anna translated every thing to me and Paul. Anna's father spoke a bit English. There was also a brother, he is a few years younger than Anna. We were there for six night's and on Friday left. We arrived in Finland about 12.pm and event though the flight was just 2 hours i was and am still so tired from it. But it was fun and i'm really going to miss those guys <3 I'm kind of happy to be home except for the stress :-))

 So on this weeks Friday our test week starts and i'm really not ready for it, because we have 4 tests and i haven't studied to any of them. Also after our Holiday vacation i was the first week sick, next week i was at school and the week after that we left for Slovakia- so for a short version. I'm really really behind on everything i have to do. Besides the tests i have, i have to do a book report, a history essay and i have a lot of assignments from our health class. Does the stress never end?

Still lost

Christmas is right around the corner but i doesn't feel like it. I think one of the reasons is that we have still school tomorrow. Our winter break starts on Thursday and x-mast is on Saturday. I would want the winter break to start already but i don't know i'm still kinda of happy that it hasn't because i see the guy i like everyday... I still have a problem. I have always like putted too much thought into things and it's causing so much stress to me these days. I don't know what to do with my crush. We talk a little bit everyday and we have these weird eye contacts sometimes and my friend said to me that on this one day he was like stared at me for so long. And i've been talking to one of my friends that is a close friend to my crush and he said that he isn't normally like that around girls. But then also it's has got me thinking that what if this is all in my head. All the eye contacts and that he doesn't talk to other girl like he talks to me because it has happened in the past. That i have been over thinking and actually there was nothing there between me and my past crush.  I'm just lost because i don't want to get hurt. Again. And i'm afraid that if i tell him about how i feel he'll be just like be all awkward and our friendship won't be the same no more ( has happened to me ). But my friend just told me in the car that if he does that then he isn't just a good friend. All what my friends have told and advised me are good but i still don't know what to do. 

     What i wish for Christmas is a new pair of brains so that i wouldn't have to over think anymore! 

                                                    

As lost as Alice

  Sorry!  

I apologize that i haven't wrote anything in a long time. I've just been so busy with school and my mind. I have had so many school things to do lately. My test week just passed and we had our last test today. I have no idea how it went. It's been so hard to concentrate on these tests and i really have no idea why. My close friend is now at the other end of Finland, Lapland. I just miss her. She always clears my head when i have trouble and she always listens and we always have the best laughs. She has only been away for a week but i still miss her. My heads been all over the place. I like this one boy on my class. He makes me laugh and i enjoy his company, but i'm still afraid that if i one day have the guts to tell him that i like him and he rejects me, he may not be my friend anymore or  not talk to me. I don't want to lose him. Like today, when the exam was over he came to sit next to me and we talked for like 45 minutes until he had to get to his bus. But that whole time we talked i laughed and smiled. He makes me happy and that's why i'm afraid. I'm so shy to tell him how i feel and i'm afraid to tell him if he rejects me.  I don't know what to do and i hope that my friend can help me when she comes back from Lapland. Anyone got any tips on how to clear head from stress?

School

     So our school has started and i'm already so done with it. I mean it's not that hard ( yet ) but still. Our normal day starts at 8.30 and end at 16.00. And i'm always just so tired after a long day like that and in this schedule we end at 12.55 on every Monday. So that's not so bad, but the thing that makes it extra hard is that i don't see my friends every brake or at lunch. And i don't know why but it's like extra hard for me right now. I miss them so much like every day even though i know that i will see them after school but i still miss them every day. But the thing that has made me so happy this weekend was that my ( male ) best friend is happy now. Like two weeks ago he wasn't happy at all. He was so angry and so frustrated and he just wasn't happy and i tried to help him but he just didn't want help and he just didn't care. He like had some problems with his family and so on. And i hadn't seen him in all week until last Friday. And when i saw him  he just smiled. He came to me and smiled and hugged me. I was so happy, i almost started crying!  The last time i saw him that happy was months ago. But the reason why he is so happy. It's a girl. One of my friends and okay yeah i like her she is cool but there is one problem. She has just told us that she has like '' a thing '' going on with 6 DIFFERENT GUYS. So i have said to my friends that yeah i don't trust her because she has 6 different guys and she has a thing going on with my best friend. I'm just scared the she will just throw him into a wall and bee like yeah i don't like you anymore. Because as i said he has been having some troubles with everything and he has said to me that no one else cares about him except for me and his brother. And he has said to me that he finds it really hard to find the happy thing in life. So now that he is happy  i'm just scared because i don't want  him to go to that bad place again where he doesn't seem to find any happiness. So this girl heard what i had said about her, that i don't trust her. She came to me and said that i don't have to be worried that he is special. But she didn't say anything about the six other guys that has she stopped talking to them?  She just said to me that like he is spacial. And i know that he is. That's why i'm scared, that's why he is my best friend.    I just want him to be happy and enjoy the life that he has. And if she does something to  him   i swear that i will do something bad.    Anyways that was the thing that i wanted to get of my chest. Thanks

Reborn problems?

     This is a story that i wanna share with you guys. So last summer was the best summer ever. We had so much fun and we were all happy. But there was a reason why we were always so happy. Our group started using   drugs. And no i'm not proud of it but i mean it was fun at that time. Long story short  on of our friends got caught  and after that our group wasn't involved in drugs until this summer. So couple of  our friends started acting weird and we knew that they were using again but at that time they did't hang out with us so much. Then one of our friends friend came here from another town. And that's kinda how it started again  BUT this time  i wasn't involved! And i'm proud of myself. Because there has been so many times that i have been so close to ask if i could join them. One of our newest friends joined them too and we girls were so angry at him because he was such a sweet and young boy and we didn't want him to go with them  but he did. I mean yeah  it' his own decision but still. Last Saturday when i was alone with the boys  they were like smoking and they were so high. Then on of my closest friends came there and yeah she was a bit drunk but she started to yell at the guys and me. She said some mean things that she shamed the next morning but she also did good because the young sweet boy of ours hasn't touched drugs since   or so he said.  But  i just wanna believe him  and i'm so prod of him.
    In other news  next week is gonna be the  last week at work and i'm so happy!  I'm so tired of the work  it's so exhausting. And tomorrow  i have a day off and i'm so happy about that too because today i was out with my friends and we had so much fun and i did't have to watch to clock all the time! We were out hunting Pokémon's  for like two hours and we found Pikachu! We were all so hyped! It's was so much fun.  And  i just noticed that at the moment   everything is okay. I just yesterday did like a real end to my '' relationship '' with the boy who did more bad to me than good. I just said that i don't wanna talk to him in any forms and i said that i don't even want us to have a streak on Snapchat. Okay i may had taken it too far but still. And everything is just good. Hope you have a great day!

Summer vacation?

      So i just finished my 9th grade and my '' basic '' school ( the school system is different here in Finland  ) and the next step is to go to collage i think. We have been on summer vacation for like over a month but i have had vacation for like two weeks because i have been working  and i hate it. I mean yeah i know that i'm gonna get money out of it but it just sucks because this is the last summer that i can hang out with most of my friends and i go to work at 7 and my day ends at 15.30. So my days are pretty much like  wake up at 6 o'clock, go to work, get home, eat and rest for a little while, go out with friends, be home by 21.30, go to sleep.  I'ts really hard and i would really like just quit but i my last three weeks starts tomorrow so i'll just try and get through them.  
    My life has been a bit of a mess lately. My friends have had hard times and i have had. One of my best friends just broke up with his boyfriend, i was mad to my best friend for a long time, i could had had a boyfriend at one point but  i pushed him away because  he did more bad to me then good.  I decided that i would't get any feelings towards any one this summer but that plan also just blew to my face. There is this new boy that came to hang out with us  and he is really sweet and funny and  yeah. And  now i have feelings for him ( thumbs up )  BUT i will try and control my feelings.  But let's not go too sad and deep  so i'll tell you guys about yesterday. So here where i live we had yesterday this little thing called  venefestarit. It's like this thing where people gather to this place near the beach. There you can drink and dance and eat and stuff, it's really fun. So we were yesterday there but we were like next to the  '' dancing place '' ( there's a big grass area where like all the '' younger '' people gather ). And we had so much fun  we were so dunk and we were falling all over the places and we just had so much fun <3 We were the last group that was there and we went home at like 4 o'clock. Whoops.   I love these guys so much and i wish that we could be friends forever <3  I'm just scared that what will happen after schools start.  But well see then.  Bye

Stress, stress, stress

 So it's the last two month's of school and i'm shitting myself. Now the real work begins where the teachers start to push us to the limits and see what we know. It's so hard but i can't do nothing more to it than just read and get the best grades i can get because i know that it will be even more stressful next year. And school is not the only thing that's stressing me out right now.
                So through these weeks i have started to have feeling for this one guy. He was with my best friend but they weren't even like together, they just had a thing. But when i saw how he treated my best friend i felt like '' he is so nice ''. So from that i started to have feeling for him. But i have this one bad side. I start to have feeling for a guy even when i don't know them that well and it sucks + i'm really shy and never go talk to my crushes. But this time i have tried to talk to him on Snapchat and Whatsapp but he takes like an hour to reply. So i thought to start to get closer to him by hanging with him outside of school. But here's a problem too. He's not that often out and if he is he stays right after school ( i often go first home and the come out ) and  he leaves like at 5pm. So nothing seems to work. Then one of my friends told him that i was interested in him but he just answer like ok ( he was drunk ). So i never got a real answer. I tried to get the answer like last week but he didn't reply to my message. I thought that i would write him a REALLY long message where i would want an answer but then i thought that maybe that's why my crush things never work. Because i tell them too soon that i'm interested in them. So i talked to my friend and i decided to wait for some time and just get to know this guy a little better before i tell him things :-D. Wow. That was rough. But i'm glad that i can tell these things to you guys. I think i'm making the right choice. What do you think?   Good night my mushrooms

Boys -.-

     So yeah. Last time i wrote there was this drug thing but now everything is okay. My friend is no longer in any trouble. She's not grounded and her father is starting to trust her again. Although she still has to be by 8 at home on school nights. But i'm still so happy for her.
          School has been okay. We have had like few tests already and it's gone good. I had a 10- ( like an A in England and American grade things ) and i was so glad so that it went so well :)  But next week we have like 3 tests and i'm kinda nervous. But i'm trying my best.  
          So that title. I think every one has guy problems. But i'm like so shy and so awkward person around my crushes. Like this one day i just went and talked to my crush. And i just said to him straight that yea i like u and i just want to know if i have a chance with you. It didn't went as i thought that it would went. He just said that he doesn't like me like that way and then in the end he just said that he doesn't want to hurt me. But he was sweet because he didn't want to hurt me. And also i didn't want that it would go awkward between us but i don't think that it's awkward. But yeah at this point i maybe would had done it little differently. I think i would of started first just by talking to him and get to know him a bit more. But then on the other hand i'm glad i did it like that. Because i have liked him since like the beginning of summer so i had had enough of waiting. But yea i still like him. A lot. But it is what it is and i'm okay with it.  
    But yeah that was all <3 See u later  lov u

Drugs? :/

     Okay what the fuck? Where did the summer go? Just like a few days ago here was warm and the sun was shining and we were on the beach. It was so much fun! And then suddenly school started and it started raining and it got real cold real fast. And now it's practically autumn. It's so weird. So i forgot to tell u guys what happened in these few weeks.
     So on summer time there was this thing going on that practically everyone in our group wanted to try drugs. And a few of our friends had some weed or something. And so it started. First it was just a few of our friends how tried it but suddenly there was a lot of people trying out. And one of them was me. And last week on Tuesday. Our friend got caught. And so the police and everyone else u know, started to take testes on her friends. Us. And some people had like smoked a week ago ( back then ) but me and her and a few friends had smoked like on Monday. And we were so stressed out by this. Many of my friends had to go to those testes but i didn't. Yet i mean but still. I was so lucky. But i also told my parents about it. But they weren't so mad about it. And i was so glad about it. So now my friends (the only one how got caught ) she is grounded but she gets to came out again next week <3 I'm so glad!! But i learned also about this thing. I will not go anywhere near drugs. I swear. This has been so awful. But yeah. That was it. I'll talk with you guys later. Bye :3

School

     So yeah. Summer was and now it's gone. I can't believe how quick time goes. But this summer was one of the best i had <3 I got new friends and a new crush ;) But yea that summer was good even though it wasn't very warm.   So nothing really big happened this summer. I went to confirmation school and there was really fun. It was actually a camp but whatever. So in the camp OMG  it was so much fun even though we were there like 6 days. We had so much fun and our priest was so proud of us how we all are so close. And were because most of us who were in the camp has been in the same elementary school so that'why. But yeah we are actually so close friends that some of us almost started crying on the last night at the camp. Because it was so much fun and i love those people but we still wanted to go back home. And on the last night we started thinking that this is gonna be our last year in school when we are all together. And we started crying with the girls. And now school has started. And i mean i'm happy because it's our last year in high school. But i don't want to think that it's our last year together. I just want to enjoy this last year as long as i can.

I forgot this O.O

    Well hello there stranger! Long time no see!... Ou I'm so sorry! I have almost forgotten this blog. But now i promise that i will write more! I PROMISE! So I'm gonna tell you what has been going on. So HERE WE GO!

Autumn:
   So Autumn was really bark and muddy. I though about Joni a lot. And at one day he just came to me and just started talking to me on Skype...  i was like... Bitch you know how u talking to? But then BOOM! And at some point he just stopped talking to me... Weird but good... for me though : D

Winter:
  Ah me love the winter time. So much snow, Christmas <3 So at school we had our
independence days dance and it wasn't that bad because i got to dance with this one gay that is super cute <3 And no this time it's not Joni or any one like that : D   But yea and that day i felt pretty :3 In the Christmas holidays My sister from Helsinki came to visit. She was here about 2 weeks. We had so much fun :3 And i was happy because the whole family was back home <3  So then came New Years eve. It was an awesome night. I was drunk and my mom let me be out side until 1 am! It was the best New Years eve. EVER!

Spring:

  So this spring has been better by school things. And i have almost forgotten Joni. Just almost. Last Friday i found out that he had called me a whore. And now i want to know why. After i know why i think then. Just then i can lay him to rest. And never thing of that bastard again. And i have been also drunk sometimes :D It was fan but this one time i was kissing with this one guy i don't even like.  -.- Stupid me... But yea. I think i'll be writing more stuff here. S see you soon :3  BYE!

All day somewhere else

        So yeah to day i had to wake up at 8 am... i was so angry but we went to my ant's birthday and then we had to go my godson finishing his confirmation school. I just got home a while ago... I'm so tired and but i still want to see the finals in FIFA World Cup. Because i just have to watch it!! XD  i wish that Argentina would win!!  Yeah so nothing haven't really been going on... Just like normal things... And  just really nothing i have been going out at night and i have been having fun and all of that. I have to go working tomorrow at a food store. I'll bee working like two weeks.   I am kind of missing school. Because i have like nothing to do at days but still i must enjoy this vacation.  so yeah i am going to watch the game now so bye bye my little mushrooms <3
                                                         

so yeah...

                 So sorry i haven't been writing anything lately. The reason for why i haven't been writing is because nothing hasn't been going on. Just like i have been out a lot with my friends. But yesterday me and a few of my friends where out and we thought that we could go drinking some where. But i had to go home first and then i would call them when i can came. So it was like really late but i still called them but they didn't pick up...  I was really bored so i thought that i would go for a little walk. When i was near the house that they where have that party ( but i still didn't know where that house was... ) i decided that i could try and call them again. And this time they picked up. And then they told me where they where and i went there. And almost all of them where pissed. And few of them where kissing and that shit. So yea i don't want to talk about it because it was a crazy night : D   But yeah... Nothing else has happen. Am yea i have been a bit down because i wanna a boyfriend and like really many of my friends has a crush or a boyfriend and... I have been single for like three years i ques... : D  a long time... yeah... But i don't wanna hurry or anything but it's just really... i can't explain. I just wanna cry every time i see a cute or any kind of couple. But i don't : D  yea i better stop to this : D  So yeah i will write again when something is going on in here... So yea bye my little mushrooms <3